somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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