Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I will be naked everywhere
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
