You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
