I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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