He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
