I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
