she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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