It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
