how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
