i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
