I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
