there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
