I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
