she woke up with a sticky ear
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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