Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
