Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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