Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
