Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Girls should come with a carfax report
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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