We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
