I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
