youre lurking in front of me
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
