I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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