he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
