oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
