i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
