there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
