i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
