Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
