O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
