She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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