I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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