Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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