yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
