tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
