Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
