I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
