My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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