I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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