Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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