Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm at about main and main street
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
