he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
