If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
