the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
