Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
