Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
