I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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