you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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