i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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