whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
