I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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