oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
