so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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