And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Drunk is not a location!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
