my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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