living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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