it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
