Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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