I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
