yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
