I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
