you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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