Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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