two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
