i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize