Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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