we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
