O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
