I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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