He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
