Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
