I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just found puke in my bra..
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
