brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That accounts for only three of the penises
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
